1) Flamingos are attention-seeking whores. In fact they're basically just transvestite penguins on stilts.
(Also a transvestmite is like a transvestite but hangs the other way).
2) Giraffes have no natural predators, except for lions on stepladders. Fortuately for giraffes, there are very few BnQ outlets on the African Savannah. If they relocated to Swindon, it would be a different story.
3) Nobody really knows what a bear is. It has the body of a monkey and the face of a dog. It's the cut n shut of the natural world. Basically it's nature's way of ringing the doorbell and running away.
4) In the same way, a lion is pretty much a cat that is the size of a fridge. This is why when a lion opens its mouth a light comes on. Whether the light stays on after the mouth is closed puzzles scientists to this day.
5) Grey squirrels are merely red squirrels who are unaware of the existence of 'Just For Men'.
6) Lizards are flood proof snakes.
7) Female wasps are irritable and can sting. Male wasps are limp, infertile drones. The favourite wasp publication is The Guardian.
That's all I can think of at the moment. Either that, or I've covered all of the animals. Yes, that sounds better.
