Now that bees are becoming extinct, it's time for wasps...

...to clean up their act and start producing the honey. As we all know, because bees are good, industrious creatures they are able to produce honey. Because wasps are idle and on job seeker's allowance and have bad attitudes, they only produce marmite - which is a divisive product at best. The criminality of the wasp is best understood by its a ability to sting at will. A bee will use its sting as a last resort in defense of its hive, spelling the end of its life, whereas a wasp will sting someone because there's nothing good on television or the team they support lost at whatever it is wasps play. Rugby Union presumably.

If they can be reformed and if they can be convinced to wear tiny pollen-grabbing velcro trousers, then perhaps this once summer pest could become our saviour. And should they refuse, then they will be rounded up and trapped under pint glasses on tables outside pubs.

Retrograding...

I was in a pub the other day and in the corner there was a guy playing records. He wasn't mixing, or scratching, or sampling or anything. No, the bar was paying him to chose songs and play them before lining up another song to play. Weird. Wasn't there a labour saving device invented 60 odd years ago to do that for you? Better still, this 'juke box' would actually make the pub money. There was no advantages to this guy. You couldn't even make a selection on him. You couldn't put coins into his mouth or hit him on the side of the head when he made the wrong choice.

Isn't there a point when reverting to previous systems for the sake of style become pointless? Strangely, next to the man playing records, there was a cigarette machine. Not a guy standing there selling over-priced cigarettes. Inconsistent!

I guess if they wanted to add a gambling element, they could have a guy behind a green table holding fruit. "Lemon...lemon...grapes...ahhhh, too bad."