The Fear Blog. Part 20.

Aug 24th

Today I went back to the museum. I felt I had to. First, I didn't get up til 1pm, even though I hadn't slept a great deal. I knew that I needed sleep but would have to go and do something non-comedy related and that may help me later. Second, I had promised I would see more of it. It's a great museum and the view from the roof terrace is lovely. I've always been a bit suspicious of romanticised Scottish history and the strongly anti-English sentiment. This is a controversial thing to say, but I think much of it comes from the Irish influx into Scotalnd in the nineteenth century during the 19th century. This is why Edinburgh has Hibernian and Glasgow has Celtic. Now, I'm not saying that the Scots weren't right to be suspicious of the bully to the South, but the thing to remember about the Union is:

1. It was preceded by a union of crowns. James I of England was James VI of Scotland.
2. The Scottish had been considering a union for a long time to stabilise Scottish society and to gain access to English markets.
3. The Jacobite Rebellion had nothing to do with freeing Scotland from the England. Bonnie Prince Charlie invaded England. He wanted the whole lot. Most Scots didn't want him. They preferred Protestant William and Mary to the autocratic Catholic Stewarts.

The Union and Empire benefited Scotland in many ways. It also fucked over many of the Scottish. But that was true South of the border too. The rich built factories and the poor lived in squalor. There was a mass emigration to the colonies: South Africa, Canada and Australia in particular where the Scots prospered and still do.

In short, the Scottish weren't some indigenous people who were smashed by an invading imperialist England. That's Gibsonite bullshit. The Scottish had their own kingdom, their own Renaissance, even their own colonies (in fact the failure of the Darien adventure in Panama almost bankrupted the nation and led to the idea that a union would be in their best interest). They were a grown up nation. I can see why some of them may want independence. They are more than capable of taking care of themselves. The idea that they have endured English oppression for centuries is rubbish however. The Irish can keep picking at old sores if they wish, but the Scottish should be careful not to invent a tyranny that never really happened. Don't get me wrong. The English are fuckwits, but the Scottish helped them export their fuckwittery on a global scale. Without Scottish engineers, soldiers, inventors, tradesmen and administrators, the British Empire probably wouldn't have been half its size.

In short, it was very interesting. I stopped in the technology area where a robot arm picked up alphabet blocks and spelled out whatever you typed in. I entered “BOLLOCKS” and shifted before a suspicious security guard approached. The good thing about that display is that once you enter the letters there's no way of cancelling the process.

I had fish and chips and then a nap. The system works. I felt better later and went to do the show. For some reason, it didn't work again. My delivery was fine I think and I managed to improvise enough to keep it interesting, but the audience weren't doing much laughing. Mostly grinning and quiet chuckling. The problem is that once a room is quiet, people are actively afraid to laugh and then others hear the lack of laughing and just start losing confidence. I have no idea how to fix the show. I only have one more performance, so I'm just resigned to letting it go. I regret that the one show that was great didn't get recorded. I hoped there would be other crowds/ performances as good, but there haven't been. The show should be good by now. I'm probably just bored of the material and so I can't relax into the delivery. Maybe it's lost its meaning. I get the biggest laughs when I talk. I have no idea how comedians take a show on tour and do it a million times. Tomorrow, I'm just going to go for it. It'll be the last show. I have gigged almost everyday. My Ku Klux Flan show was great by the end. This show promised a lot but has failed to deliver. I guess I need to work harder. It'll be easier to do regular gigs again. 10-20 minutes and then the rest is nothing to do with me.

A French girl came to the show but didn't understand a word after I had assured her that she would. I took her to see a show she might get. We went to the Pleasance, bought a ticket, then lost her. After a frantic search, I found her again. I kept bumping into comics during the search that I didn't mean to talk to. It's like going with my mum into town. You can't take three steps without chatting to someone else. I saw Aranab Chanda and James Acaster. They were really friendly and looked fresh and happy. That's what being consistently funny brings. I wish I were consistent or funny. I'm sort of funny, but if I don't get more funny I'll go funny. And I don't mean funny ha ha. Someone wrote on a lampost "Standup is tacky shit." I guess it is. It's a cheap trick and I'm losing my sleight of hand. Perhaps I need to stop trying to deliver, but I know as soon as I do that things will go REALLY quiet. Sometimes you have to talk in a way that keeps people listening, even if they're not doubling over with laughter. I just need a good gig, but if I do one, I won't know how I did it. James Acaster said "How is the show going?." I said "Ups and downs." He said "You're learning, though?" I said "Yeah."

I have no idea what I'm learning.

In the end we went to see a show called “Another Fucking Cabaret Show” at the Pleasance Dome. It was good fun and a nice change from comedy, although it also had two comedians. Jarred Christmas clearly thought he'd struggled because he finished his set by saying “Well, the other comic was funny. Thanks for being patient.” Even those of the semi-successful backpedal. After, I walked the girl back to her hostile. She seemed nervous and giggly and I think was waiting for me to make a move. I didn't because I didn't really fancy her. Legitimate reasoning I think. In this specific case, Je ne regrette rien.