With today’s unstable economy and shrinking job market, there has never been a better time to get involved in organised crime. I am pleased and proud to announce the formation of a new crime family: The Murder Friends. Check out themurderfriends.com or follow us on twitter for all our crime-related news. NB: Retweeting heist details to the FBI is a frownable offence.
OUR MAIN CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES
STATIONERY – Everyday, millions of people work in office
jobs they despise which lead to millions of stolen revenge stationery. My crime
organisation would buy the stationery at a small price and then sell it back to
the companies where it came from. It’s win win. The only bums taking a hit are
the companies, but are you telling me that those multi-million pound global conglomerations
don’t got stapler insurance? Geddoudahere.
SCRATCHCARDS – They’re stuffed into all the worst papers to
try and improve readership among the scratch card using classes, so if a few go
missing and come into my hands? Whatsacomeandago?
PROSTITUTION – Generally against it, but if prostitutes want
to buy educational textbooks from our associates or sign up to an evening class
in accountancy that we can help arrange? Fageddaboudid.
CARD GAMES – We will run executive card games where gamblers
will lose large amounts of matchsticks. Once we have enough matchsticks, we
will have a controlling stake in the matchstick industry. Other games: Boggle
and Kerplunk. Vafancooler.
MONEY LAUNDERING - I read an article about this on wikipedia, but the doorbell went and I'm none the wiser.
OUR POLCIES
PASTA – We like to spend the day eating big bowls of
steaming pasta, particularly when we have nothing better in.
SomethingaboutItaliansausage.
RATS – Rats are people who talk about our activities to the
police. Named after rats, who are famous for gossiping about criminal
activities to the police. Generally our outlook on them is unfavourable, but we
take it on a case by case basis. Whaddajoik.
HIERARCHY:
BOSS: The Head of the Family.
CAPO: The Captains who report to the Boss.
NIGHT CAPO: 11pm-6am shift.
THE MADE MEN: Our cloning project. We successfully animated a man made out of playdo, but his pronunciation of basic words was very poor. Whaddayagonnado?
BOSS: The Head of the Family.
CAPO: The Captains who report to the Boss.
NIGHT CAPO: 11pm-6am shift.
THE MADE MEN: Our cloning project. We successfully animated a man made out of playdo, but his pronunciation of basic words was very poor. Whaddayagonnado?
FORTHCOMING EVENTS
- Overnight camping at the Plymouth Aquarium. What’s it like sleeping with the fishes? Your questions answered.
- A turf war with the Yardies. Bring sandwiches or salads to share. We hope that they’ll provide with some of their delicious jerk chicken. A waterproof poncho will cover us in the event of both rain and blood.
- Overnight camping at the Plymouth Aquarium. What’s it like sleeping with the fishes? Your questions answered.
- A turf war with the Yardies. Bring sandwiches or salads to share. We hope that they’ll provide with some of their delicious jerk chicken. A waterproof poncho will cover us in the event of both rain and blood.
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