You can't spell BUBONIC without BBC.

When I moved up to secondary school I had a primary school friend with me called Daniel Goodall. Daniel was a smart, creative guy and a good friend. However within two weeks of secondary school he started hanging around with “the hard kids”. He started smoking in the playground, swearing profusely in the local Glaaashire (Gloucestershire) accent, bunking off and generally doing anything which would endear himself to these monstrously thick, violent kids. I had effectively lost him as a friend, and we both knew it. Sometimes, when we were alone together, something of his old self would re-emerge, he would allow himself to be eloquent and thoughtful and a little bit of shame would flash up in his eyes. But he couldn't sacrifice his new social position or fight peer pressure. He was weak and he knew it. I once said to him “If all the boys in this school started wearing dresses, would you?” He didn't even have to think: “Yes.” Some people choose to do that. They dumb down. They give up. They don't usually want to, but they feel they have no choice.

And that's what the BBC have done.

The stock expression of Ben Elton
makes for uncomfortable viewing.

I watched the first episode of “The Wright Way” on BBC One the other day. It was dreadful. It was basically Ben Elton using capable comic performers as mouthpieces to do a weak and curmudgeonly stand up routine about why shop assistants at the counter pick up telephone calls before they actually deal with people standing in front of them and why is it that young people always text and what is it with that Jafakin' accent that all kids put on these days. Elton's concerns are actually probably already 10 years too dated, but you kinda get the feeling that he's been sitting in his volcanic lair planning this for a while. Elton recently said that he's as excited about this sitcom as he was the Young Ones, thus further digging up the corpse of his legacy, crudely applying lipstick and parading it about it drag, just to make sure that no drop of credibility remains. Fortunately for Ben, he's timed his new low perfectly. For no matter how bad “The Wright Way” is (and there IS a camp guy in it who acts all camp) it'll only be the second worst sitcom on TV at this or any other time.

The BBC were able to sell the show on twitter by stating “Fans of Mrs Brown's Boys should check out The Wright Way.” YES! One crime covers the other. “Hey guys, I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom, so if anyone wants to go in and piss on the floor, nobody will be able to tell.” If you want to smuggle cannabis into a country, hide it in a big sack of heroin.

Mrs Brown is finally forced to watch Mrs Brown's Boys.

Mrs Brown's Boys is the worst comedy programme that has ever existed. It make Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps look like Fawlty Towers. Imagine Father Ted wri

tten by Roy Chubby Brown and then remove all of the jokes. Yet, it is INSANELY popular. It is so massively popular that the BBC have no choice but to keep making it forever and to roll around crying in the massive revenues that DVD sales alone will bring in. Even the continuity announcer has to pretend that it's good. “Now on BBC One...it's err...it's *cough* Mrs Brown's Boy's *cough*...what? I didn't say anything...can I go on lunch now?” When the BBC announce that it's on via twitter, they are barraged with heckles. Why? Because people who know how to use the internet without typing all sentences in capitals and who don't think that lol is the way to end a sentence HATE it. They have access to entertainment, they have seen things like Arrested Development and Parks & Recreation. They are incredulous that such a thing can even exist, like they have awoken in a parallel dimension where it rains diarrhoea and Little Chef is considered fine dining.

Perhaps I'm being a snob. Perhaps the awkward comedy in the mould of The Office has left a large amount of middle-aged suburbanites and lobotomy patients behind. I don't need to take the monster to pieces. Go on to youtube, watch a few episodes, and then look at the comments section. If anyone is unwise enough to suggest that the show is less than genius, there follows vicious attacks by loyal viewers which accuse detractors of being “too PC” (Oh yes! The defensive position of the cretin), of being homosexual and of having (and I quote) “GAIY BLACK ADES LOL.” Despie the fact that this is probably just standard youtubese there is still something very worrying about it all. The real concern is that there is a large section of British society that truly think the show is good. The idea of sharing a country with such people is bearable, but sharing a TV channel with them is beyond the pale. It's like sharing a flat with Peter Andre.

Andre: unrepentant
mayonnaise thief.

It's hard to tell what the commonalities of this demographic are, so it's not like we can intern them. It's not so straightforward as class or age. I know highly educated people who think it's great, upper class people that cry with laughter and yet plenty of slow-witted dole monkeys who think it's dismal. It's very hard to generalise, as much as I'd like to. Perhaps, if you've never read 1001 Jokes for Kids, you actively enjoy office banter or you think that Christmas Cracker jokes are the highlight of the season, you just might like it.

The comedian Jarlath Regan (who has no trouble writing a funny joke) actually defended it to me. He said “It's a live experience. You have to be there.” That's all well and good, so why broadcast it on national television?

I wonder what Daniel Goodall thinks of it. I wonder if he watches it in a dress.